Tassels, and Pompoms, oh my!

Tassels are in folks! Are you excited?!?! OK, that’s fine, I wasn’t either. Tassels have been in for a while in moderation. But now bold bright colors, lots of tassels everywhere. Also, Pompoms are in. Yes, bold bright colors, lots of pompoms everywhere. Not my thing. Not either of these really. Until…

I was shopping at Target, buying $100 worth of crap we don’t need, when I saw these:


My brain went to churning and I couldn’t grab them fast enough. They are in the ‘craft’ aisle of target. If you can call it a craft aisle. There were $5. 9 colors, 2 of each, 18 tassels. That is a deal! There are so many things you can do with these. Add them to a bag. use a jewelry, attach them to a shirt, whatever you can think of. I knew I was going to wear them as earrings. Do you have hoop earrings? I know you do. Watch this:


Bam! earrings. and you can use a mix match of colors for whatever you are wearing. I have plain hoops in 3 sizes so there are tons of options. Wear one tassel, or 4 or all 9. You have just expanded your earring collection by like 100 pairs. I don’t know what the real number is I don’t feel like doing math. Look at all the ways you can style them too.


So, pompoms. I just don’t want you on my clothes or my jewelry I really don’t. sorry. I don’t know if it seems childish or cheap. It is just not for me but if it is for you great! and those mixing pompoms and tassels you are above and beyond. You go girl! There is a sweet lady at the hubs office that has been giving us fresh eggs. I had made a new batch of Lip balm (we will talk about another time, but if you are interested in buying some you can here) so I decided to make her a cute little gift to thank her for all the eggs. Like seriously she has given us a ton of eggs! I took a jar, filled the bottom with pompoms, put in the lip balm and I also make a hand salve. Then I tied a ribbon around the top and it was done. So cute! The pompoms looked great in there and I didn’t have to wear them! Did I take a picture, of course not! Use your imagination.

Are you wearing pompoms or tassels? Show me what you got! I need some new ideas.

Whole 30, 9 days in

For some dumb reason, the hubs and decided to do Whole 30. I think I thought it was a good idea and told the hubby we were doing it and he went along with it. We are currently at day 9. If you do not know about Whole 30 you can go to their website here and see what it is about. My take on Whole 30 is that you are eating ‘Whole’ foods. ‘Whole’ food is a little loosely interpreted depending on who you ask. You cannot eat dairy, sugar, fake sugars, processed foods (no nitrates), legumes (beans, peanuts, soy, lentils, peas), grains (including corn), or white potatoes (except in a recent version of the rules I believe that has changed). You can have meat, fish, seafood, vegetables, and fruit (only 2 servings a day).

We are going to starve! Well that’s what my husband thought in the beginning. Luckily, we have some friends who have done this before so they could help us. plus, there is this wonderful thing called Pinterest that has tons of recipes. for two weeks, we tried to eat the bad food in our house and kind of start eating meals that were Whole 30 approved. Then we finally jumped in and went Whole 30 full time.

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Day 1: We survived. It wasn’t so bad but the hubs asked for dessert after dinner. I had made ‘popsicles’ from strawberries and bananas. So, we ate them and then found out we weren’t supposed to. Something called ‘Sex with your pants on’. I don’t like this rule. Read the book, it’s in there. Plus, we didn’t know about the 2 serving of fruit a day and this was our like 5th. I hate black coffee so I have been drinking tea instead. we will see how that pans out.

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Day 2: someone give me chicken nuggets from McDonalds!! Ok, it wasn’t that terrible. But my brain was being mean. I heard the word donut on the radio and it was all I could think about a delicious donut. yum! even know it sounds tasty. one thing we had started a few weeks ago that I am glad we were doing was buying a rotisserie chicken from Sam’s, they are $5 and Sam’s sized salad mix. So, lunch was easy some chicken and salad and probably carrots or if there were some leftover veggies from the night before. This made lunch easy. The chickens probably have something bad in the seasoning but we took the skin off so they are ok, right?

Day 3: Pistachios are my friend. I wasn’t eating enough at lunch to make it to dinner. or I wasn’t eating enough fats to satisfy until then. ok I might have just bad hard-boiled eggs with hot sauce of lunch but really, I wasn’t so hungry at lunch time. For dinner, I made a sweet potato hash and it changed our lives. You can find the recipe I based it on here. Don’t add the beans. For a moment that hubs and felt like we could do this!! also, this is the day the headaches started.

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Day 4: I want pizza and a blizzard. What if I went to McDonalds? No one would know unless I told them. we got smart the night before and started making egg cups. Basically, line muffin tins with prosciutto, scramble 10 eggs, poor the eggs in the muffin tins, then add veggie of your choice. I add peppers and onions. Bake at 400 degrees for 20-23 minutes. easy! They are easy to make and I don’t have to make breakfast every morning now. I heat them up but the hubs just eats them cold (eww). With dinner, I made carrot ‘fries’, thought this might us feel better. Negative for me. They just tasted like cooked carrots, which I hate. Hubs liked them. he will take a carrot anyway he can take it.

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Day 5: I NEED A DRINK. just one sip of champagne and I will quit complaining I swear! This is also the first day we went out to eat. EEK! I ordered a plane grilled tuna steak and asked if they could put it on a salad no dressing. Well that would have worked out until the salad came with cheese. damn it. I scrapped all the cheese off I could. the tuna was good, but it made me a bit sad.

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Day 6: my parents were in town and went to IHOP without us for breakfast. IT’s ok. They probably don’t have anything we can eat. Besides I found Whole 30 bacon at Whole Foods. Bacon makes everything better. My parents were VERY hesitant about eating with us this weekend because they knew how restrictive our diet was. For lunch, we had broccoli slaw and chicken salad. For the chicken salad, I made my own mayo. If you never have before I will post about it soon. It is so easy and delicious. Added hard boiled eggs, dill pickles, salt and pepper. We ate it on leaves of radicchio and it was delicious!

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For dinner, I made Coconut lime chicken, here is the recipe. I did not put the arrowroot flour in and I recommend using coconut cream to make it thicker. It was pretty good. My dad loved it. He isn’t a foodie and rarely has an opinion if it is good or not but he kept talking about it. I added cauliflower rice to it. Also roasted beets and radishes. if you don’t like radishes, roast them. They have a totally different flavor. They are soo good! I also shredded Brussel sprouts, cooked them in bacon fat, added a little balsamic vinegar and bacon crumbles. They put in a warm over until the rest of dinner was done. This is one of my favorite.

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Day 7: The headaches are over. I feel pretty good. I made the sweet potato hash for my parents. They loved it, except mom who wouldn’t eat the sweet potatoes. I didn’t have sausage so I used ground beef. still pretty good. Can you believe Whole Foods does not have sausage that is Whole 30 compliant but Aldi does! For Lunch, I made a roast in the crockpot. Put potatoes in the bottom, then green beans (yes you can have green beans) the roast and then poured a jar of pepperoncini peppers on top. Lunch l was crazy good. The peppers make all the difference in this roast. IT’s not too spicy. Mom and dad went home satisfied with food for the weekend. We also had a pretty great time together. we had left over for dinner because I didn’t plan past lunch!

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Day 8: I don’t remember breakfast. isn’t that sad. I’m sure we had eggs. Gosh. For lunch, I had leftover coconut lime chicken. Then for dinner I made this pork chop and apples recipes. You can find it here. I didn’t think I would like it but I really did! so did the hubs. Tonight, we decided to clean out the freezer and fridge of food we can’t eat and put it in the fridge in the garage. The freezer still looks full but the fridge is empty. Not so many condiments are compliant. I think this will help us mentally though.

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Day 9: we are still surviving. Egg muffins for breakfast, chicken salad for lunch and I feel pretty good.

Overall: I think we are sleeping better. I sure feel better in the mornings when I wake up yet still not a morning person. we haven’t been too grumpy through this process. There was some complaining but I really thought it would be worse. we were told the sugar withdrawal would be so bad and I don’t think it was what everyone hyped it up to be. The headaches for me were bad but I also get migraines some, so they don’t even compare in pain. to my knowledge we haven’t slipped up any. I do still crave some champagne or a blizzard, maybe chicken nuggets. The hubs says none of that sounds good to him. We are buying a lot of groceries, maybe too much. Our neighbor yelled across the street at me this morning and told me she can tell I’m losing weight. It’s not about losing weight for me, it’s about how I feel and how things in my body are functioning. I’m not as swollen/bloated as I always am. Last year I feel and hurt my leg and that area has been swollen ever since and it has dramatically gone down.

I think we will make it the whole 30 days. I was skeptical until about day 7, but I think we can do it. While some of our friends think we are crazy and tease us a little; overall, they have been very supportive and are helping us out.

Too much TV

Why haven’t I blogged in a while you ask? Ok, you didn’t, but follow me here. I watch too much TV. TV is sooooo good. How do people not watch TV? I need some serious advice. We do not have cable or satellite but we do have Netflix, Amazon Fire Stick, Apple TV, and I have a friend’s Hulu login.  I am doomed! Netflix is like Pinterest, I could get lost for years in the two of those. They are the main reason I don’t get enough stuff done! They are in the top 10 loves of my life. Often, I wonder how I survived without them. Sigh

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We finally finished Dexter! And I wish it had never ended. While I wasn’t fond of the ending, it really made me wish for more! This is like a whole new series. Let’s run with it and see where it goes. I need Dexter in my life; I will never be the same again.

After Dexter we tried to watch Trailer Park Boys and we just couldn’t get into it. It came with high recommendations but it’s not for us.

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We did start watching Longmore! Which is a high contract from what we usually watch. Lots of murders but more wholesome if that makes any sense. We are really enjoying Longmire. It’s a modern take on westerns.

IN the middle of Longmire, House of Cards came back out. Of course, we dropped everything and began watching it. If you have not seen House of Cards, drop everything and watch it! The plot of this show is compelling. The way it mimics our current political situations is very interesting. You must start from the beginning. To see the way the things evolve and how different the show is now. It’s wonderful. You know in a weird, twisted, political government crushing way.

Orange is the New Black has also come back on and we binged on it. So I may have watched some without the hubs but in all fairness I watched all of the last season without him. Oops! I still am not over last season. In fact, every time I think about it I can feel the tears coming back. If you haven’t seen the show, at least watch the last the last season. This is not a show for the weak of heart or those who have a problem with raunchy scenes. The writers are so in tune with what is happening in the world now and the problems going on. I like the real time situations.

I am still forever watching Supernatural. Right now, I can’t even formulate an opinion. I thought I had 3 seasons left to go and then they drop another season. WHY!!! Every season already has 800 episodes! I’ll never finish it!

Another season of The Ranch is coming out this weekend. I will watch it but it’s not my favorite (see previous Netflix post).

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On Hulu, I have watched The Handmaid’s Tale and Harlots. Love them both. But especially love The Handmaid’s Tale because it could so happen. Well, maybe. Harlots is a British drama set in the 18th century about competing whore houses. Scandal, drama, elegance, murder, it has it all. The Handmaid’s Tale is a novel turned into a TV show. New episodes come out on Wednesday’s on Hulu. A Christian Fundamentalist government rules the United States and everything is Bible-inspired. There is a widespread infertility crisis and women who are fertile become handmaid’s against their will. Women have no rights and there is a class system. The main character is Elisabeth Moss from Mad Men. It is so good. Go watch it.

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There has been so much good TV that I don’t think I have watched any movies. I did watch a documentary on coal but I am not going to recommend it. It goes against the things I grew up with but more than it does not represent the whole picture. I know everyone says that about things they don’t like. But they focus on a certain segment and don’t tell the other parts of what is going on. Disappointed.

Tell me what you are watching on Netflix. In a couple weeks we will need another show again!

Dollar Tree Sightings

You have those days where things don’t go as planned? Like nothing goes as planned? That was yesterday for me. I went to the Dollar Tree for some Epsom salts. As I loaded up my cart I remembered that my debit card had been compromised the week before and the new one hasn’t come in yet. That’s ok I have my credit card I will pay will. I put my stuff, like 20 items cause who goes into the DT and only gets what they came in there for, on the conveyor and insert my credit card and they don’t accept Amex.  So there I am being THAT person.

I leave and sit in my car like crap. Idea! I’ll go to the ATM and get cash. Nope, need a debit card for that. I don’t feel like going into the bank. OK, I’ll run across the street and buy somethings at Publix and get cash back. So I run into Publix get a few things and as I am putting them on the conveyer I remember you can’t get cash back with a credit card you need a debit card. Crap!

When K got home we went back to DT and I couldn’t remember what I needed. Hah! Figures! I think I did find everything again except the only Epsom salts they had were eucalyptus. I’ll go to another DT and look when I have a debit card again.

So let’s look at some of the things I found while there:


These pink yard flamingos! I bought them about a month ago and we used them for a friend’s birthday. We took a Happy Birthday banner, cut out the letters, glued them on to the flamingos and put them in the yard. They are a dollar! If you were to buy yard flamingos at Big Lots of Target they are like 2 for $20. Now these are a bit smaller but you can buy 20 instead of 2! Totally worth it! These would be great for someone looking for a fundraiser. Flamingo people’s yard for $X. Love it!


Check out the art work they have. There are canvases and framed art work. There is some really cute stuff and all types of different styles. I bought some ‘farm house’ style cow canvases and one framed piece for our command center area. I’ll show a pic when I get it finished, whenever that might be. I have also bought a ton for gifts!


Two things to take from this pic. Glue sticks! So cheap. Also those triangles are paper pennants! How many great uses can you think of for these? Every holiday, birthday party, or event. So many uses! There are 12 in a package for a dollar!


Also, two things in this pic. The pennants here are much bigger and made of felt. You get 2 for a dollar! For repetitive events these will last longer. They had red and blue or purple and green. Your DT may have different colors. The metal storage tins are great. There are two sizes. I make my own healing hand salve and these would be perfect containers. Make sugar lip scrub or any other homemade product. This is a great deal. You can also use them for storage for small things. Sewing kits?


Paper straws have taken over our DT. They also had ones with stars! They were scattered all through the store. All kinds and colors.


These are the hats we used for Kentucky Derby. But there are so many uses for them. You can paint them, or stencil a design on them.


I love these storage bins. They are collapsible and come in 3 colors, at least that I have seen. I used them in my cubicle at work to keep everything organized. You could use them in a closet or in your dresser drawers. There are endless uses.


These wine glasses are so cute. Excuse the hands; I was trying to make them easier to read. They would make great gifts. They say, ‘This girl needs some wine’, ‘wine flies when you’re having fun’ and there was a third but I forgot what it says.

Apparently, DT has been selling this bacon for a long time. I’ve only bought a few food items from DT and never been disappointed. So I thought, heck, if it sucks it’s only a dollar. This morning for breakfast I made it. Now it is no replacement for real bacon, nothing is. But K said for $1 and there are 10 slices, I could eat it. It wasn’t bad. It is bad when it’s burnt. I like burnt bacon. But burnt turkey bacon is no good. I also got some frozen fruit for smoothies but we haven’t tried it yet. Stay tuned…

Those were my worthy finds at DT this week. What have you found or do you always buy at DT??

Latex is not my friend

It’s hump day so enjoy this appropriately themed story from my life.

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A few years ago I found out that I was allergic to latex and yeah, I probably should’ve known years before but I didn’t know that the symptoms weren’t maybe normal. I found out while I was at the dentist getting a cavity filled and my cheeks swelled up real big following that and it stayed for a few days. I went back and found out it is just a contact allergy so I don’t think it’s going be too life-threatening. This made me think of all the things that are made of latex and how possibly I should’ve known all along that I’ve been allergic. As you can imagine it affects many things.

Sometimes, most of the time, I forget that I’m allergic to latex. A few years ago, for Fourth of July we are doing a thing for work and handing out balloons to kids. No one wanted to tie the balloons. They couldn’t or it hurt their fingers. Blah blah, so I said I would do it. I get to tying balloons and after about the 8000 balloon that I’ve tied my fingers burst open and start bleeding and I’m like what the hell is going on, why are you bleeding? I look at the bag of balloons and remember or realize/read that they are made out of latex. Of course, I don’t think about it. I forget about it all the time. Everytime I need a Band-Aid, I go put one on and it gets red and swollen. I’m like, oh yeah, fuck, that’s made out of latex.

Several years ago, I got a birth-control arm implant and after three years I had it replaced with another one. During that time we never had to use any kind of protection while getting our swerve on. (Another time we will talk more about birth control and what I used, then why I stopped) Last summer, I had my birth control taken out and my husband was not quite ready to have sex trophies. Well, he can’t buy regular latex condoms because I have a latex allergy. I told my husband that when I got my birth control removed it would be his responsibility for baby prevention if that’s not what he wanted in his life. A friend told us about sheep intestine condoms and K goes off to buy them. They are pretty expensive, so we try them out once, fine they are different. OK, whatever. Better than itchy, swollen lady parts.

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Apparently, one use makes you a pro. They are a very different texture and go on a bit differently. K thought he was a pro. The condom disappears. Not on the bed, the floor, nowhere we can see. So it must be in my vajayjay. We start googling on how to get it out of my vagina. I do all kinds of ridiculous things I won’t tell you about to try to get it out. I’m not too ridiculous, I didn’t stick some tongs up there try to pull out or anything like. I text my friend, Pocahontas. If someone is going to have something she is going have it so. I text her and I’m like ‘hey, do you have a speculum?’ She doesn’t so I explain the situation to her. She told me I have to go the doctor and I’m like really can I just wait because this is a Saturday morning, a few days before the 4th of July. She convinces me I have to do something about it today!

I go to the walk in clinic. When I get back to the room I tell the nurse what is going on and the lady burst out laughing and said yeah we don’t have the stuff here to help you so she suggest a different walking clinic. Of course, they weren’t open so I call my gynecologist office and leave a message with the answering service. When they call me back little bit later and I tell her what happened. She goes,’ well, honey just reach your hand up there and pull it out. I said, ‘well, honey I tried’. She suggested going to a walk in clinic I said I’ve been to the walking clinic they laughed and said they could not help me. ‘You’re going to have to go emergency room. Don’t wait; you could get an infection and blah blah blah blah.’

Fine. We are supposed to go to a friend’s house for a pool party so I told K to go on ahead and I’m going to go to emergency room and then I’ll meet them there. Just a few months before we were at the emergency room, for like 12 hours, so I decide to head to a different town to a little bit smaller hospital. It only took two or three hours to get called back. I told them, thankfully women, what happened. No laughing, they go in there and pull it out. I asked if I could have gotten it out and they said most likely not. It was really far up there. I also asked if I could keep it, they didn’t find that very funny.

So that’s the story of how we lost a condom in my vagina. Now after that, of course, Pocahontas ordered some plastic disposable speculums. We are prepared if it were to ever happen again. Thankfully, it has not but these are the things that happen in your life when you have a latex allergy.

Disclaimer: I voiced this post and emailed it to myself and then edited it. Worst idea ever! It took forever to fix my redneckness. It did show my how much I use the word, so.

Easy Peasy

I know I have been MIA. Living my life, working a little, and being a bit lazy.

I did a blog post for Jala Jala Foods last week. It is an easy craft that you can do. This is something a novice crafter can do or the kids. Mix up colors and use for any occasion.

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Go check it out here.  Also, check out Jala Jala while you are there. Everything they have is so delicious, I wasn’t paid to say that. You can order online or check out the over 100 locations where you can buy their products. I highly recommend the pepper jellies! Oh and the corn relish! And the bbq sauce, well ok all of it. It’s just good stuff.

I promise I will get back to blogging (fingers crossed)

Lots of Bubbles

For a while I have been a La Croix addict. If you look long enough on the internet you will see that La Croix has somewhat of a cult following. People who love it are addicted and people who aren’t hate it. Club soda and seltzer water are a shocking taste for some at first. I’ve heard its dry, taste like aspirin, and is just down right terrible. But like beer, fizzy water is an acquired taste for some. Let me clarify that I exclude tonic from this, no tonic for me!

I love it for many reasons. It makes a great soda replacement, for me. I like soda not because they are sweet but because of the carbonation. I am addicted to carbonation. Fizzy water provides the carbonation without all the other crap. I feel less guilty about drinking adult beverages with fizzy water because it dilutes it some, doesn’t have all the sugar and calories of soda, and adds nice fizz from the carbonation. Fizzy water also comes in wonderful flavors.

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La Croix has Pure (plain), lemon, lime, orange, berry (haven’t had it), CranRaspberry, pamplemousse (grapefruit), peach-pear, apricot, coconut, passionfruit, mango(yuck), tangerine, Cerise Limon (Cherry Lime), pomme baya (apple cranberry), pina fraise (Pineapple Strawberry), melon, kiwi sandia (kiwi watermelon), mure pepino (Blackberry Cucumber, my favorite), and Ni cola (haven’t had it).

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Then the neighbors introduced us to Target brand, Simply Balanced, sparkling water. It is just as delicious or maybe more so at this point because it’s new to the taste buds. It has some different flavors including cucumber mint, ginger peach, citrus, black cherry, tropical cherry, raspberry blackberry, watermelon, lemon, grapefruit, and lime. So far the ginger peach is my favorite but I haven’t tried them all!

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I like that they come in the tall skinny cans. Some of the La Croix flavors do as well. Simply Balanced is quite a bit cheaper than the name brand but that is significant for us considering how much we drink it. I’m not a big shopper at target for food, so I’m going to start keeping an eye on it to see how they go on sale or if they do. We are in such a habit of watching for La Croix to go on sale and majorly stocking up. Kroger usually always has it on sale but Whole Foods seems to give the best deals when it does go on sale.

Do you like fizzy water? What do you drink? Or tell me why you hate it? But do me a favor and give it another try!

…And they’re off

Hello all! How was your weekend? Did you watch the KY Derby?Growing up in Kentucky I feel like it is my duty to observe this as a holiday. I’ve never been to The Derby. Impart because I can’t stand to go near Looserville. I guess I shouldn’t hold that against The Derby.

The neighbors invited us over for a Derby party so first things first I needed a hat. A few hours after getting lost on Pinterest I had enough ideas in my head. So I headed where I always do, the Dollar Tree. Now, the Dollar Tree does not have a Derby section like they do luau or ‘Merica or whatever holiday is near. This is the time to get creative.


When you think of The Derby what comes to mind? Horses, roses, big hats, mint juleps, seersucker, betting, and more. Start looking around. In the kids toys I found a ten pack of horses for $1, then on what I call the craft aisle they had fake red roses in bunches, they also have green moss, and near the registers I found hats. Side note: I was there earlier in the week and they had ‘derby hats’ but on this day I couldn’t find them! Apparently, they moved them and I didn’t spend the time looking.

Here is what I bought:

2 packages of horses

A fedora and a cowboy hat

6 bunches of red roses

I did not buy moss because I already had some at home leftover from old projects.

DT is also a great place to but hot glue sticks!

I painted the horses gold! I had gold paint left over from a New Year’s Eve party I helped throw. So that makes it free, right??

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Then, I need to convert the cowboy hat to a Derby hat. I cut up some cardboard from the recycling bin to make a structure inside the hat. This will not make it look so much like a cowboy hat and add some strength to it.

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The tops of the rose bundles pull off nicely and I glued those around the rim of the hat.

image2 (2)Next, and I probably should have done this first, I glued to moss all on the top of the hat. The moss I have is VERY messy. Don’t be like me and do this on top of your computer. There is still moss in my keys. Once the horses had dried, ok maybe they were tacky, I glued them on all over the top.

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My husband’s hat was super easy; I just glued the horses on the ribbon around the hat. We did later add a poppy to it for a splash of color. We were having a hat making party at the neighbors and I cheated and went ahead and made my hat. Seriously though, I didn’t want to make the moss mess in their house. Though they don’t believe me.

And there you go a DT Derby hat. Enjoy some pics from the party!image3

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My truth

One of the best things I ever did for myself was quit my job. Ok, I’m not so far removed from it right now so it may turn out to be the worst thing I have ever done but in this moment I feel on top of the world compared to how I felt. There are so many stages of ‘what the fuck’ that I went through before I got to the glory land. The emotional crap that I was going through at work, the stress, the uncertainty, feeling like everything I did might get me fired. You can only walk on pins and needles so long before you step on the one that crushes your soul and I stepped on that one.

One Saturday morning I work up early, went to the bathroom, got back in bed, slept a few more hours. Woke up and stayed in bed. It was 10am, then it was noon, then it was 2pm. My husband was concerned. Neither of us had been sleeping well. The uncertainty with my job had been keeping us up at night. Not sleeping well through the night. But I couldn’t be that tired? And I wasn’t tired; I just couldn’t get out of bed, except to pee. I played on my phone stared at the wall. But I wasn’t getting out of bed, I couldn’t get out of bed. My husband laid down with me for a while put the dogs in the bed. And I laid there. Was I hungry? Nope, not at all.

Then my husband had his breaking point. It was 6pm and I was still in bed. He didn’t understand what was going on and at the time I didn’t really either. I had no desire to get out of bed, or eat, or watch TV, or be around another person, or probably even exist. I was nothing in those hours. I wasn’t suicidal, didn’t want to hurt myself or someone else. I just felt nothing. I had reached a point of depression that there was nothing there. And I couldn’t will anything into a thought of anything, just nothingness everywhere.

My husband begged and pleaded for me to get out of bed. He couldn’t help me and he couldn’t understand that. ‘Just please get out of bed, I’ll make dinner, what do you want? Please get out of bed. Just come sit on the couch with me and watch TV. Please get out of bed.’ So at 7pm I got out of bed and sat on the couch, nothing.  Kelsey brought me dinner. I ate it, nothing. No hunger no desire, nothing. We watched TV, nothing. Went to bed, nothing.

Got up the next day and I did get out of bed but not for me. I got out of bed because I could see what this was doing to my husband and I didn’t want to hurt him. I didn’t want him to worry or cause him anymore stress. There was still no desire, just nothing. I can’t explain totally how I felt or why it hit me when it did. But not being able to get out of bed was the worst for me because I felt like I couldn’t control it. I couldn’t will myself to do anything. I knew it was time to leave my job, on my terms. Stop waiting for them to fire me or see if things get better. I had been in denial for too long.

K and I talked about it at length. I love my coworkers and it is a pretty cool job. But there was so much else that didn’t make any of it worth it. We figured out the math on our income and I put in my notice. Relief should have come over me and set me free but it didn’t. Even a week later I didn’t feel relief. As I started to tell me coworkers that I was leaving, I say shock on their face and then the most wonderful things came out of their mouth. If I had known quitting my job would boost my self-esteem I would have quit a long time ago! I was called sunshine and the only person they liked. What? They have to been kidding. Then person after person said the same thing. I called clients and told them I was leaving. One cried! One offered me a job! I was shocked. Someone else called me sunshine. What? The love I felt was over whelming. Wow! Did I really impact so many lives?

Now for those who have never worked in sales much less advertising sales, look up the memes. They are all true. It’s a hard life, full of money, and no time with your family or friends. Work hard play hard takes on a whole new meaning in advertising sales. There are nice sales people but no one would ever describe them as sunshine. They are honey badgers! Have you seen a honeyeater? Not a pretty sight.

Being a little over a month out from leaving my job I still feel so confident in my decision. The former coworkers that I still have lunch with and talk to often, the clients that I still talk to as friends, those who have offered me jobs or help looking, it was been overwhelming.  I appreciate everything that everyone has done for me during this transition. I feel like I have won the lottery in life. This is a far cry from how I felt a month or two months ago.

Relief didn’t come immediately. Depression just doesn’t go away after one good day or one good decision. Depression sucks and it is hard. More people need to talk about it publicly. You need to know it is ok to reach out for help. It is ok not to be able to make things better on your own. You will be ok. You can do this!